My project!!!!!!!!

I am fully aware of the fact that I haven't written a blog since January. But never mind that.

School has started again!

and with it have come one of the worst months of my life (or at least I think that whilst I'm in the middle of it all). There were some relationship issues (im single now dun dun Dunnnnn), family issues (feelings of being ostracized from family, judgements being cast etc.) and as a result I have lost three of the most important people in my life. Along with this has been the hormone issues my mom has been having (they have finally almost got it all balanced out PTL) which needless to say caused some stress in all of our lives. Now to top it all off, I am taking 18 units at APU, working part time and commuting 16 miles every morning to class. 2 days ago i was hit by someone right as i was entering the APU parking lot, and now have NO car and NO idea what the outcome of insurance/compensation will be. Now i want to make it clear I'm not whining (well maybe a little, very tiny bit), I just know that all of these things are important to make note of and accept as part of the journey for this semester. I understand God is still in control, and while i struggle to not feel like he is punishing me for something I hold on to the knowledge that he brings GOOD out of ALL things and even these sticky situations in months to come may merely be moments of hardship that led to a strengthening of my spirit.

ENOUGH of that.

As an English major with a concentration in writing I felt that I should try transposing some of my more interesting in class assignments into my blog for a few different reasons. To help me hone and tone all my writing muscles, and to preserve any possibly useful pondering  i put out throughout the semester. I must ask to be excused for grammar and spelling, because frankly I just don't give a darn when I'm not doing it for school. I figure i know how to do it when necessary, and when it's not... well you get the point. Also note that I do not especially feel comfortable putting some of these things on here, but alas honesty is the key to good writing and how honest would it be to only put my very goodest (that was on purpose) scribbles on here. And so i will (hopefully) be posting some form's of composition in my blog over the next semester. Grace and peace

 

scatterbrain

This morning i set my alarm clock for 8:45 am so i could go meet my friend for breakfast before my class at 9:45. Ended up she called to cancel at 8:15 so i went back to sleep, and woke up with my alarm at 8:45 thinking an hour had gone by and i was late for class! I rushed out of my apartment, drove like a maniac to west campus almost killing 2 students in the cross walk, and ran to my classroom only to find it completely dark... well class must have been cancelled i assumed! hurrah. so i headed back to my apartment to relax for a few hours, only to look at the clock awhile later to see that it was just now turning 9:40 am!!! So once again, rush to my car, speed to west campus, run up to class only to fine that class truly IS cancelled and if i could learn how to check my email once in awhile i could have enjoyed HOURS more of sleep. Thats what I get. And of course I only did the reading assigned for the class that was cancelled thanks to steve and his strange desire to watch the new reality tv show "bromance" (yes thats the one where Brody Jenner from the hills is trying to find a new BFF... ask steve i really dont know why he is drawn to this so strongly)

Slightly embarrassed

yes i am slightly embarrassed about the fact that my blogging attempts (or attempt) was overall a complete failure. But what did I expect I'm writing a blog about my life as a college student and i guess that includes NOT writing a blog about my college life. The semester ended superbly (minus the stress attacks and lack of sleep towards the end) and the christmas break was wonderful and well needed. Classes resume this monday... needless to say I'm not excited. I have truly been trying to hold myself more accountable with spending time with God lately, and encouraging those around me to do the same, and the road has been hard but good so far. As a result of asking God to stretch me and challenge my somewhat apathetic walk right now, I have already had a few different 'trials' to overcome. One of them is brought in the form of the ONLY living person i have actually never met but have still somehow found room to harbor bitterness towards and not like as a person in general (this bugs me the most about the situation, i didn't think i was capable of such humanness.). This person, who was brought into the sidelines of my life exactly a year ago, who i let get under my skin and cause me to have extremely 'catty' comments and a 'mean-girl' type of attitude, has somehow managed to add the exact same math class as steve. Her appearance alone in the fringes of my daily life has caused me great grief.("Oh you vex me so!!!!" name that quote.) Anyways, i have found myself responding HORRIBLY to the situation, and every time i have a moment to reflect, i find myself horrified at my lack of  grace. The funniest part is that it took me 7 whole days to realize this might, just might, be the challenge i was praying for, and yet somehow have managed to throw a complete fit about. Silly me. Also another tough spot lately is my complete lack of faith that God will provide me with a kindred spirit. with my two best friends living across the U.S. and many of the girls here being so busy... i am constantly battling the need to whine to God about sending me a good set of ears and understanding 'womanly' mindset.

now i just realized i have only transposed my whining into this blog

now i am going to end.

PS: but since i already started, school is ridiculously expensive, people shouldn't eat at my restaurant if they cant even afford to tip me, my feet are cold right now and i have to get braces at the age of 21!!!!

thursday

Thursdays are good days. Nothings better than coming home after being in my empty apartment for almost a week straight! I am overwhelmed with the feelings of peace and comfort i get just being in MY bed looking out of MY window! If you have ever read anne of green gables, or emily of new moon by Lucy M.M. you might remember how they girls describe the love they have for their homes, and that, is exactly how i feel.  Tonight should be fun as well we get to go see "007 the quantum of solace" at midnight :)

God is good, and i feel a peace i havent had in awhile due to such a busy schedule (and my own issues with prioritzing...)

George and Janes

I am obviously a failure at this whole blogging experience since there is such a large gap from my last post. But I will proceed on! Today was a happy day. yesterday was the last day in my very long week from hell (in school). I took a philosophy test in a class i have not been to in 3, yes 3 weeks! impressive? we shall see when i get the graded test back (fingers crossed i felt pretty good about it) anyways, today i got to just be with steven ray the entire day doing what we do best, watching our favorite tv shows! I love that time of vegetation my brain so badly needs. After a good few hours of being couch potates we drove out to his grandparents house in san pidro for a 'pre-thanksgiving' dinner. it was so good and encouraged me more than ever to learn how to cook!! if an 85 year old woman can put together a full blown meal and still  want to wash the dishes after than by Golly i can start learning!! His grandparents, George and Jane that is, are the nicest, most sarcastic, sort of innapropriate sometimes, old people I have ever met. And what makes it all even better is that I can see how much sweet steve loves them both. To top everything off we got to drink some really good white wine with dinner, a rare occasion for us since money is usually an issue when it comes to choosing beverages. Back to school tomorrow morning at 7am (of course i'm still up at 2 i'm a college student hello!) and hopefully a good dinner shift at carinos. 

Did i mention i can not, literally can NOT wait for this semester to be over!?

survival mode

I want to write a lighthearted funny blog but don't really seem to have it in me at the moment. It could be that it's 2:20 am or possibly any of the other events going on in life right now. I will try my best (its my duty!). As i said in my 'about me' section, i have a tendency to lose or break expensive objects, or any object for that matter. Well yesterday topped it all. I was at starbucks having my daily sip and sit session (that means homework time) and waiting for miss Amelia to come meet me for dinner. upon her arrival, i moved my lap top and back pack from the chair it was in to the floor next to my chair. after a few minutes of catching up we jumped in her car and headed off to CPK for some tasty cuisine. Once we reached starbucks again i started gathering up my back pack and wallet from around me in her car and suddenly realized... my lap top was not there. I instantly remembered setting in on the ground and never picking it back up again. After a good 30 minutes of frantic searching every bush, chair, barista and patron in the store i had to resign to the fact that someone had taken it and i could blame no one but myself for this absentminded move. Of course the next thing i seemd to feel was in order was bursting out in exasperated tears and thinking about what a dissapointment this would be to my loving grandparents who had originally bestowed the brand new mac upon me for my birthday. I then went through another agonizing 2 hours of telling my mom and grandma what had happened, and praying like never before that some miracle would take place. Just when i was ready to accept my final lesson of forgetfulness and move on with my dreary life, my phone rang with a random number. It turns out this amazingly wonderful girl had found it outside, didn't think it was safe enough to turn it in at starbucks, found out it was dead, bought a charger,  charged it found my information and called me! God bless her soul! I told her over 100 times she was an answer to prayer and what an outstanding character she has, and then spent the rest of the night cradling my baby in my arms. (there is no unhealthy attachment here i can assure you...)

What a humbling experience. 

Now for the reasons my soul feels dry and shriveled. I stay up way too late doing  unnecessary activities, i wake up way too early for school, i dont make time to read the word or journal like i know i should (it has proven to be the best way of preserving my sanity as well as those around me), and every waking moment i have gotten to spend with Steve has been spent with both of us working madly away on whatever homework or project we have due the following morning. Survival mode at its best. Also we found out today that little Bliss Marie (my cousin with dandywalker syndrome and hydrocephalus among many other health issues) had to be rushed into emergency brain surgery to replace her entire shunt! Just a week ago they replaced the tubing because of some swelling that was going on, but that obviously didnt work and now she is going to have to recover from a second major surgery without even having time to heal from the first. there was some severe swelling and pressure before they were able to catch the whole mess, so prayers that she wont have any more brain damage and wakes up tomorrow safely from the anesthesia would be greatly appreciated. 

this blog wasnt fun at all i appologize.

oh pooh.

Here goes...

I caved.  I have been trying to tell myself i don't want or need a blog, that there is absolutely no point, no one will read it and i should be doing homework instead, but i have finally caved. I couldn't resist the urge!  I have been consistently reading Taleah and Sarah's blogs about being Mommies and thought It was my duty to enlighten the world about the life of a modern day college student. First of all, I am going on my 4th year of college. Now one might think this means i'm nearing the end and preparing to move into the world of careers, but no that sort of life wasn't for me. you see i'm on the six year plan (hopefully that doesn't turn into seven or eight although it sometimes seems like that will be my destiny)It's not that i don't take my education seriously, I'm just not the most industrious student that ever walked the face of this earth. I did the whole community college thing to save money and just ended up overstaying my welcome. Who wouldnt want to leave the land of 20$ a unit? So here I am, half way through my first semester at a "real school", the prestigious, the renowned, APU. (please note the sarcasm) 

*DISCLAIMER: I must add quickly that although the next few sentences may cause the reader to assume i greatly dislike my school, this is wrong. I am experiencing and learning things i never imagined possible, i have met some amazing people, and am recieving a 1st class education. now that thats been said...*

What at first seemed like a brilliant idea, has now produced more than one question in my mind. First of all, why am I paying so much friggen money when i could just go to a cal state!? Second of all, why did i want to go to a christian university so bad when all i do is try to find excuses not to go to chapel? Thirdly, why did NO one tell me how many people at this school would  drive me to the very edge of insanity? These people i tell you! On more than one occasion i have found myself trying to get to my next class on time, stuck at the bottom of a small staircase waiting, because blond bimbo's 1 and 2 cant figure out that the rest of the world works off a right side of the road mentality. It should be illegal to walk, no STROLL, two abreast down the stairs especially when talking loudly of new iphones, rainbow sandals and what jared the senior who lives off campus is doing that night. after my 5th encounter with this scenario i just couldn't handle it and pushed my way directly in between the two unsuspecting victims, giving a loud snort of dissaproval and muttering under my breath that "some people  actually need to get to class and graduate around here..." later hoping that they will not find out i'm on the six year plan. So there it is, my first ever semi-grownup-non-myspace blog. I wonder if anyone will read it?